You Know What Sucks?

[AzraelRPG]

So I don't know if this is appropriate or not, but I thought this may be an interesting way to keep those who are struggling in our thoughts, prayers, vibrations, etc etc. The way this would work is that you start with 'You know what sucks?' and you continue with the reason something, either in your life, or someone close to you (no names needed) has something going wrong in their life.

A couple of rules:

• Do not use IRL names if they are relatives
• If the poster is the one having the issue, then they are to use the words I, my, me, or you, if describing it in 3rd person.
• Do not complain about overly mundane stuff that can be easily fixed. (Ex. My pen ran out of ink) If you do, I will petition for the comment to be deleted.
• Please try to keep it to RL situations, though gaming is allowed, but this is general discussion.
• No troll comments! This will not be tolerated, and just decreases the overall trust of the community.
• This is supposed to be an information board of some of the major issues we are facing, and is thus an arena where we can voice our personal concerns and help each other to be more positive with whatever life throws at us. So advice is welcome, when pertaining to the issue at hand. Otherwise, just keep that person in your thoughts. 
• Remember, we are Bullshifters! Our group is more than just a crew in GTA:O! We are a group of people from all around that mostly have similar interests that care for one another. This is just another step toward being a true community board instead of just a place to see pictures and know the details of various meets.

Keep in mind, this thread isn't to complain about random crap, but to let others know what is going on, so, we, as a community, can give some moral and emotional support to the ones going through difficult times.

I'll start:

You know what sucks? Being broke without work. You know what really sucks? After applying for several jobs for a new contract for several months, finally having an interview, and after to having to reschedule said interview after an anxiety attack, only to cancel it because your car can't leave the driveway...

My life kinda sucks right now... T_T

[Ashy_GB]

Try living on a small island in England called the Isle of Wight, for every job advertised there, there are over 300 people applying for said job, I ended up having to literally move 25mins away across the water to get a good, stable paying job

You know what sucks? the job I currently have is nothing more than a piss-take that follows me home and disturbs my life with my Mrs and 10month old, I have applied for a better paying and more interesting job which is located on the other side of the office only to be told that 'You are over-qualified for this position'

[AzraelRPG]

I've been there my friend, I may not have a family of my own, but I know exactly what you are talking about. I hope you can find better employment that is closer to home. And the overqualified part is rubbish, I hate that excuse, I'm apparently overqualified and underqualified (education but no true experience).

I wish you luck.

[Ed.Venture]

Dec 7, 2015 17:16:58 GMT -5 Ashy_GB said:

I have applied for a better paying and more interesting job which is located on the other side of the office only to be told that 'You are over-qualified for this position'

If presented with that line, I have always wanted to try: "Well that's all right, I'll just do your job." or "that's alright, just pay me more money and I'll forget all about it". lol.
Nah, but that does suck man. I think we have all been in the job hunting toilet at one time or another. The gig I have now isn't exactly glamorous, but I get away with murder so I'm reluctant to leave.

You know what sucks? Being fully trained and able to perform a trade competently and with enough knowledge to train other people to do said trade to a level of efficiency that if they were to complete my course while I was in the Navy they would be certified within my command to perform tasks for their division regarding the trade that I had certified them in. Then I get to the civilian sector and I'm told none of my certifications matter and I'm at square one like everyone else. So now I do something completely unrelated for less money. What didn't suck is my hobby was able to become something I could cash in (sort of). So at least there is that.

You know what sucks? When I try to work within a classroom setting to further my education I get stir crazy and cannot focus. Put me hands on a task and I'll have figured out four different ways to accomplish it before the day is out. Have me sit and listen to lectures while doing course work that's generally unrelated to why I'm in school in the first place and I'll start gouging my eyes out with a No.2 pencil. (or I'll at least be thinking about it) It's very unproductive. My fists literally clench and my blood boils. I actually get angry for reasons that I don't even fully understand. Not at people or anything. I don't want to hurt anyone, it just seems to be the way I respond to that type of stimulation. I'm angry that I'm wasting time, maybe? Doesn't matter how much I rationalize with myself about how I need it. I absolutely cannot focus, it's torturous for me. I barely made it a semester.

[Ashy_GB]

Dec 16, 2015 19:12:30 GMT -5 Ed.Venture said:

Dec 7, 2015 17:16:58 GMT -5 Ashy_GB said:

I have applied for a better paying and more interesting job which is located on the other side of the office only to be told that 'You are over-qualified for this position'

If presented with that line, I have always wanted to try: "Well that's all right, I'll just do your job." or "that's alright, just pay me more money and I'll forget all about it". lol.
Nah, but that does suck man. I think we have all been in the job hunting toilet at one time or another. The gig I have now isn't exactly glamorous, but I get away with murder so I'm reluctant to leave.

You know what sucks? Being fully trained and able to perform a trade competently and with enough knowledge to train other people to do said trade to a level of efficiency that if they were to complete my course while I was in the Navy they would be certified within my command to perform tasks for their division regarding the trade that I had certified them in. Then I get to the civilian sector and I'm told none of my certifications matter and I'm at square one like everyone else. So now I do something completely unrelated for less money. What didn't suck is my hobby was able to become something I could cash in (sort of). So at least there is that.

You know what sucks? When I try to work within a classroom setting to further my education I get stir crazy and cannot focus. Put me hands on a task and I'll have figured out four different ways to accomplish it before the day is out. Have me sit and listen to lectures while doing course work that's generally unrelated to why I'm in school in the first place and I'll start gouging my eyes out with a No.2 pencil. (or I'll at least be thinking about it) It's very unproductive. My fists literally clench and my blood boils. I actually get angry for reasons that I don't even fully understand. Not at people or anything. I don't want to hurt anyone, it just seems to be the way I respond to that type of stimulation. I'm angry that I'm wasting time, maybe? Doesn't matter how much I rationalize with myself about how I need it. I absolutely cannot focus, it's torturous for me. I barely made it a semester.

Reminds me of a course I had to do for work called Prince2 (Project Management in Controlled Environments) - It was only a week long course but required me and a few other unlucky souls to sit in an over heated classroom for 5 days (8 hours at a time) listening to a man with clear hygiene issues spout on about something I didn't understand/couldn't care less about. 

[AzraelRPG]

Dec 16, 2015 19:12:30 GMT -5 Ed.Venture said:

Dec 7, 2015 17:16:58 GMT -5 Ashy_GB said:

I have applied for a better paying and more interesting job which is located on the other side of the office only to be told that 'You are over-qualified for this position'

If presented with that line, I have always wanted to try: "Well that's all right, I'll just do your job." or "that's alright, just pay me more money and I'll forget all about it". lol.
Nah, but that does suck man. I think we have all been in the job hunting toilet at one time or another. The gig I have now isn't exactly glamorous, but I get away with murder so I'm reluctant to leave.

You know what sucks? Being fully trained and able to perform a trade competently and with enough knowledge to train other people to do said trade to a level of efficiency that if they were to complete my course while I was in the Navy they would be certified within my command to perform tasks for their division regarding the trade that I had certified them in. Then I get to the civilian sector and I'm told none of my certifications matter and I'm at square one like everyone else. So now I do something completely unrelated for less money. What didn't suck is my hobby was able to become something I could cash in (sort of). So at least there is that.

You know what sucks? When I try to work within a classroom setting to further my education I get stir crazy and cannot focus. Put me hands on a task and I'll have figured out four different ways to accomplish it before the day is out. Have me sit and listen to lectures while doing course work that's generally unrelated to why I'm in school in the first place and I'll start gouging my eyes out with a No.2 pencil. (or I'll at least be thinking about it) It's very unproductive. My fists literally clench and my blood boils. I actually get angry for reasons that I don't even fully understand. Not at people or anything. I don't want to hurt anyone, it just seems to be the way I respond to that type of stimulation. I'm angry that I'm wasting time, maybe? Doesn't matter how much I rationalize with myself about how I need it. I absolutely cannot focus, it's torturous for me. I barely made it a semester.

I know the feels man. I know the feels. I hated that in college, that I signed up for a class and we went off-topic for the full hour and a half (Tuesday-Thursday class) and nothing was done. Absolutely hated that. I also don't like lecture courses, growing up in a school system that basically uses the Texas method, I'm a very hands-on learner. Let me touch the things so I can make mistakes and learn from them and learn how to not only fix them, but to reverse them to their previous state before the item was messed with. 

You know what sucks? Getting to the point of expecting the death of at least one loved one in each year, for the past 15 years (I'm only 25). One should not expect so much trauma to happen in such a short amount of time... But, well, we had one die not too long ago, shortly before Thanksgiving. It was one that still has all us reeling, probably because, he was the one to go to if you had questions on certain topics, stemming from 70 years of knowledge and 50 years of experience... Needless to say, it has been a harder recovery than the others, for a few reasons...

I have a second one to add too...

You know what also sucks, living with 2 forms of Anxiety disorder, and the need to hide it from others, because it looks like you are just fucking crazy when you suddenly get enraged or end up locking yourself in a room for 3-4 days. I hate it when this flairs up, and it has only gotten worse over the past few years... I'm at the point where I just can't keep my panic attacks a secret anymore. And what's worse, I don't even know the trigger for most of them, they just happen... 

[Malice]

Hey, I see this is an old topic, and I haven't been on in awhile, but hey what the hell?

I'm going to be homeless by the end of the month, my fiancee is going to have to live with someone she knows (and can't stand) but she has no choice.
I'm physically and mentally disabled and had my job taken from me last year after I brought up a concern about the illegal practices my boss was taking part in.

My life is hell and I've been on the brink of suicide for the past few years, my fiancee is the only thing that keeps me going,a nd now we are going to have to be separated because we are losing the apartment.
My scumbag apartment complex takes advantage of everyone in the complex and charges ridiculous fees, some of them illegal, but as poverty-level and below residents, they know we can't afford to take legal action.

I get a social security payment for my disabilities every month, but with them raising my rent exponentially (i was living on about 15 dollars a month after paying rent), I'm now living on -20 a month, and as such can't pay for our medication, I can't pay for my surgery co-pay which will lead to me just not getting the surgery, I have no way to get around, I've been filling out applications and doing interviews, but nobody wants to hire someione with a disability and no transportation.

I could go on and on pretty much indefinitely about the pure hell I'm going through, but I don't thinm it will help, I've talked about it until I'm blue in the face and all it seems to do is remind me of all the bullshit I have to deal with and how much I hate my life.

So yeah, I gues not much of a point to this, but I think I needed to vent a bit.

[AzraelRPG]

Jun 18, 2016 1:43:54 GMT -5 Malice said:

Hey, I see this is an old topic, and I haven't been on in awhile, but hey what the hell?

I'm going to be homeless by the end of the month, my fiancee is going to have to live with someone she knows (and can't stand) but she has no choice.
I'm physically and mentally disabled and had my job taken from me last year after I brought up a concern about the illegal practices my boss was taking part in.

My life is hell and I've been on the brink of suicide for the past few years, my fiancee is the only thing that keeps me going,a nd now we are going to have to be separated because we are losing the apartment.
My scumbag apartment complex takes advantage of everyone in the complex and charges ridiculous fees, some of them illegal, but as poverty-level and below residents, they know we can't afford to take legal action.

I get a social security payment for my disabilities every month, but with them raising my rent exponentially (i was living on about 15 dollars a month after paying rent), I'm now living on -20 a month, and as such can't pay for our medication, I can't pay for my surgery co-pay which will lead to me just not getting the surgery, I have no way to get around, I've been filling out applications and doing interviews, but nobody wants to hire someione with a disability and no transportation.

I could go on and on pretty much indefinitely about the pure hell I'm going through, but I don't thinm it will help, I've talked about it until I'm blue in the face and all it seems to do is remind me of all the bullshit I have to deal with and how much I hate my life.

So yeah, I gues not much of a point to this, but I think I needed to vent a bit.

Believe it or not, I can relate a lot. I've been out of a job for over a year now, partly due to being in a terrible job market and another part due to my plethora of issues. But that is what this topic is for, mostly to vent, but it is also a way to realize we are still humans behind the screens. 

I can't offer much help, seeing as I'm kinda in the same boat, but I can offer an ear and heart. If you need to talk to someone, I'm open and free most time of the day, even late at night. Either shoot me a message, or buzz me on Discord if you are wanting to talk.

Again, I can totally relate, and my heart breaks whenever I hear about stuff like this. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[MenstrualDeranged]

Sorry to see about the troubles of my fellow crewmates In my gaming experience, I have met many people who have issues or have gone through stuff that I can't even imagine. I think that's why a lot of us game--to temporarily get a reprieve from the horribleness that real life sometimes is. I know I've had my share of terrible times. Most currently are health issues....

You know what sucks? Having a long history of weird illnesses and health conditions for years and years that no doctor so far has been able to completely figure out. I know it sounds silly. It's actually beginning to make me feel silly in the head. I honestly can not tell you when the last time was that I went for more than a month or two without feeling some kind of pain or feeling ill in some way, shape, or form. I used to think it was all just stress due to my job, life choices, just plain bad luck, and things that have happened to me in the past but now I'm not too sure.

When I was pregnant with my daughter back in 2005, I became violently ill with a viral infection called Fifth Disease. Was on complete bed rest, lab values were all out of whack, had to get blood transfusions. No one could figure out why a disease that's not usually so serious (even in pregnant women) made me so sick. Was really scary. It's a miracle I didn't lose the baby. Within two years after she was born, I started having near-constant vertigo which they finally attributed to some sort of migraine/mild seizure disorder. Not long after that I developed a condition called endometriosis where uterine lining grows outside of the uterus and bleeds during "that time of the month". I had to go under the knife and have some scar tissue from it scraped and cauterized off my bladder, colon and other surrounding areas. Not fun, to say the least. I had other various health issues come and go that I can't even recall now. You know what sucks even worse than all those things? At the time, I was married to a gutless puke of a man who brushed off all my health issues and rarely showed concern for me--even when I was pregnant with his child and in the hospital with the Fifth Disease. My dad had to come to the hospital and demand that the doctors and nurses explain what was going on with me. One time when my daughter was a toddler, I woke up doubled over with abdominal pain. It was so bad and I begged him to take me to the ER but he said no, I'd be fine and he left to go to work. I had to call my mom to come get me and take me to the doctor. They sent me for an emergency abdominal CT scan and it turned out I was having a bad gallbladder attack and my pancreas were also swollen as a result. I never realized how terrifying being unwell could be until I was with someone who just couldn't deal.

I was relatively healthy when Ed and I got together in late 2011, but right before we got together, I had started getting tonsil infections pretty frequently. It got so bad that by early 2012, I would finish up a round of antibiotics and within a few days, the tonsil infection would be back. Had to get my tonsils removed in my early 30s. Ouch. Within a year after that, nature decided to bestow upon me constant bladder infections/UTIs and a chronic condition called "interstitial cystitis". More antibiotics. More frustration. Yada yada.

Nothing beats the time, though, when I almost died. I truly believe that if it wasn't for Ed, I wouldn't be here right now. In the late fall of 2014, I was suffering from all the UTIs but then I got really sick one morning. Throwing up, super weak, fever of almost 104. I was already on antibiotics and figured it was just a particularly bad UTI and I didn't want to go back to the doctor because I'd been there so often recently. Ed wouldn't have it and called my doc himself who told him to get me to the hospital quick. It was a good thing because as it turned out, I was dangerously close to going into septic shock because my gallbladder was actually infected and needed to be removed. My platelets were dangerously low as well. Ended up being in the hospital for a week and Ed stayed with me the whole time  ..Don't know what I'd do without Ed.

Ugh. Sorry if this is TLDR....All you need to know if it was is that I'm sickly for no reason. Been worked up by almost every type of doc imaginable. Still trying to find answers. Maybe at this point I'm so used to being sick that some of my "sickness" is just psychosomatic. I don't know. Right now, I'd dealing with migraines, allergies and a sinus and ear infection that doesn't want to go away and I have to go to yet another specialist to find out WHY it won't go away. More unpleasant testing I'm sure. They've already ruled out a vast array of things like autoimmune disorders and autonomic nervous system disorders. I've been MRI'd, CT scanned, ultrasounded and x-rayed basically from head-to-toe. I've had probably 5 liters worth of blood tests drawn in the last couple years. It's sad and ridiculous. Maybe getting rid of my uterus will help with the endo and cystitis. I don't know. I'll just have different organs removed one by one until I figure out which one(s) is/are causing so much trouble. Or, I may just have to accept that I am unwell for no particular one reason and just go on about my life but it's hard because I'm someone who wants an all-inclusive reason, I guess.

So, that's my "what sucks" story. It's all really got me pretty depressed lately. I just want to live my life. I miss work because of these issues, not to mention spending time with my daughter and Ed, getting stuff done around the house and just enjoying the little things in life. It truly weighs heavy. I've missed trips because of these problems. I spent my two week "staycation" off work being sick. I want to be well.

[LassyKongo]

Jul 8, 2016 12:07:09 GMT -5 MenstrualDeranged said:

Sorry to see about the troubles of my fellow crewmates In my gaming experience, I have met many people who have issues or have gone through stuff that I can't even imagine. I think that's why a lot of us game--to temporarily get a reprieve from the horribleness that real life sometimes is. I know I've had my share of terrible times. Most currently are health issues....

You know what sucks? Having a long history of weird illnesses and health conditions for years and years that no doctor so far has been able to completely figure out. I know it sounds silly. It's actually beginning to make me feel silly in the head. I honestly can not tell you when the last time was that I went for more than a month or two without feeling some kind of pain or feeling ill in some way, shape, or form. I used to think it was all just stress due to my job, life choices, just plain bad luck, and things that have happened to me in the past but now I'm not too sure.

When I was pregnant with my daughter back in 2005, I became violently ill with a viral infection called Fifth Disease. Was on complete bed rest, lab values were all out of whack, had to get blood transfusions. No one could figure out why a disease that's not usually so serious (even in pregnant women) made me so sick. Was really scary. It's a miracle I didn't lose the baby. Within two years after she was born, I started having near-constant vertigo which they finally attributed to some sort of migraine/mild seizure disorder. Not long after that I developed a condition called endometriosis where uterine lining grows outside of the uterus and bleeds during "that time of the month". I had to go under the knife and have some scar tissue from it scraped and cauterized off my bladder, colon and other surrounding areas. Not fun, to say the least. I had other various health issues come and go that I can't even recall now. You know what sucks even worse than all those things? At the time, I was married to a gutless puke of a man who brushed off all my health issues and rarely showed concern for me--even when I was pregnant with his child and in the hospital with the Fifth Disease. My dad had to come to the hospital and demand that the doctors and nurses explain what was going on with me. One time when my daughter was a toddler, I woke up doubled over with abdominal pain. It was so bad and I begged him to take me to the ER but he said no, I'd be fine and he left to go to work. I had to call my mom to come get me and take me to the doctor. They sent me for an emergency abdominal CT scan and it turned out I was having a bad gallbladder attack and my pancreas were also swollen as a result. I never realized how terrifying being unwell could be until I was with someone who just couldn't deal.

I was relatively healthy when Ed and I got together in late 2011, but right before we got together, I had started getting tonsil infections pretty frequently. It got so bad that by early 2012, I would finish up a round of antibiotics and within a few days, the tonsil infection would be back. Had to get my tonsils removed in my early 30s. Ouch. Within a year after that, nature decided to bestow upon me constant bladder infections/UTIs and a chronic condition called "interstitial cystitis". More antibiotics. More frustration. Yada yada.

Nothing beats the time, though, when I almost died. I truly believe that if it wasn't for Ed, I wouldn't be here right now. In the late fall of 2014, I was suffering from all the UTIs but then I got really sick one morning. Throwing up, super weak, fever of almost 104. I was already on antibiotics and figured it was just a particularly bad UTI and I didn't want to go back to the doctor because I'd been there so often recently. Ed wouldn't have it and called my doc himself who told him to get me to the hospital quick. It was a good thing because as it turned out, I was dangerously close to going into septic shock because my gallbladder was actually infected and needed to be removed. My platelets were dangerously low as well. Ended up being in the hospital for a week and Ed stayed with me the whole time  ..Don't know what I'd do without Ed.

Ugh. Sorry if this is TLDR....All you need to know if it was is that I'm sickly for no reason. Been worked up by almost every type of doc imaginable. Still trying to find answers. Maybe at this point I'm so used to being sick that some of my "sickness" is just psychosomatic. I don't know. Right now, I'd dealing with migraines, allergies and a sinus and ear infection that doesn't want to go away and I have to go to yet another specialist to find out WHY it won't go away. More unpleasant testing I'm sure. They've already ruled out a vast array of things like autoimmune disorders and autonomic nervous system disorders. I've been MRI'd, CT scanned, ultrasounded and x-rayed basically from head-to-toe. I've had probably 5 liters worth of blood tests drawn in the last couple years. It's sad and ridiculous. Maybe getting rid of my uterus will help with the endo and cystitis. I don't know. I'll just have different organs removed one by one until I figure out which one(s) is/are causing so much trouble. Or, I may just have to accept that I am unwell for no particular one reason and just go on about my life but it's hard because I'm someone who wants an all-inclusive reason, I guess.

So, that's my "what sucks" story. It's all really got me pretty depressed lately. I just want to live my life. I miss work because of these issues, not to mention spending time with my daughter and Ed, getting stuff done around the house and just enjoying the little things in life. It truly weighs heavy. I've missed trips because of these problems. I spent my two week "staycation" off work being sick. I want to be well.

Didn't feel the 'like' feature was appropriate for this thread, although I know nobody would attribute it to someone liking the suckiness and instead showing support, nevertheless, I decided to write my support instead  

I had an illness a few years back that no doctor seemed to be able to find the problem with, went for more scans and blood tests than you could count on your hands but still nothing. In the end, it just went away by itself. Very frustrating, so I can somewhat relate but only to an extent. Sorry to hear about your problems with your previous relationship but I'm glad you found Ed and hope your daughter is doing well  

I hope you're able to shed some light on the problems and start to move forward with a cure. All the best for you and your family

[Jamie_WCE]

Wow! I can't even begin to imagine what that must be like MenstrualDeranged ! I can't stand being sick at the best of times and I would also hate not knowing why.
I know there's not a lot we can do to help but if you need anything, we'll always be here for support.
Whatever helps, I'm almost always on Discord if you want to chat, or have random fun playing a game and forget about everything!

I always have a hard time figuring out how to say what I want to say in these situations but it always just comes back to, I'm here if there's anything I can do to help.
And I hope you get better and stay better very soon!

[AzraelRPG]

Jul 8, 2016 12:07:09 GMT -5 MenstrualDeranged said:

Sorry to see about the troubles of my fellow crewmates In my gaming experience, I have met many people who have issues or have gone through stuff that I can't even imagine. I think that's why a lot of us game--to temporarily get a reprieve from the horribleness that real life sometimes is. I know I've had my share of terrible times. Most currently are health issues....

You know what sucks? Having a long history of weird illnesses and health conditions for years and years that no doctor so far has been able to completely figure out. I know it sounds silly. It's actually beginning to make me feel silly in the head. I honestly can not tell you when the last time was that I went for more than a month or two without feeling some kind of pain or feeling ill in some way, shape, or form. I used to think it was all just stress due to my job, life choices, just plain bad luck, and things that have happened to me in the past but now I'm not too sure.

When I was pregnant with my daughter back in 2005, I became violently ill with a viral infection called Fifth Disease. Was on complete bed rest, lab values were all out of whack, had to get blood transfusions. No one could figure out why a disease that's not usually so serious (even in pregnant women) made me so sick. Was really scary. It's a miracle I didn't lose the baby. Within two years after she was born, I started having near-constant vertigo which they finally attributed to some sort of migraine/mild seizure disorder. Not long after that I developed a condition called endometriosis where uterine lining grows outside of the uterus and bleeds during "that time of the month". I had to go under the knife and have some scar tissue from it scraped and cauterized off my bladder, colon and other surrounding areas. Not fun, to say the least. I had other various health issues come and go that I can't even recall now. You know what sucks even worse than all those things? At the time, I was married to a gutless puke of a man who brushed off all my health issues and rarely showed concern for me--even when I was pregnant with his child and in the hospital with the Fifth Disease. My dad had to come to the hospital and demand that the doctors and nurses explain what was going on with me. One time when my daughter was a toddler, I woke up doubled over with abdominal pain. It was so bad and I begged him to take me to the ER but he said no, I'd be fine and he left to go to work. I had to call my mom to come get me and take me to the doctor. They sent me for an emergency abdominal CT scan and it turned out I was having a bad gallbladder attack and my pancreas were also swollen as a result. I never realized how terrifying being unwell could be until I was with someone who just couldn't deal.

I was relatively healthy when Ed and I got together in late 2011, but right before we got together, I had started getting tonsil infections pretty frequently. It got so bad that by early 2012, I would finish up a round of antibiotics and within a few days, the tonsil infection would be back. Had to get my tonsils removed in my early 30s. Ouch. Within a year after that, nature decided to bestow upon me constant bladder infections/UTIs and a chronic condition called "interstitial cystitis". More antibiotics. More frustration. Yada yada.

Nothing beats the time, though, when I almost died. I truly believe that if it wasn't for Ed, I wouldn't be here right now. In the late fall of 2014, I was suffering from all the UTIs but then I got really sick one morning. Throwing up, super weak, fever of almost 104. I was already on antibiotics and figured it was just a particularly bad UTI and I didn't want to go back to the doctor because I'd been there so often recently. Ed wouldn't have it and called my doc himself who told him to get me to the hospital quick. It was a good thing because as it turned out, I was dangerously close to going into septic shock because my gallbladder was actually infected and needed to be removed. My platelets were dangerously low as well. Ended up being in the hospital for a week and Ed stayed with me the whole time  ..Don't know what I'd do without Ed.

Ugh. Sorry if this is TLDR....All you need to know if it was is that I'm sickly for no reason. Been worked up by almost every type of doc imaginable. Still trying to find answers. Maybe at this point I'm so used to being sick that some of my "sickness" is just psychosomatic. I don't know. Right now, I'd dealing with migraines, allergies and a sinus and ear infection that doesn't want to go away and I have to go to yet another specialist to find out WHY it won't go away. More unpleasant testing I'm sure. They've already ruled out a vast array of things like autoimmune disorders and autonomic nervous system disorders. I've been MRI'd, CT scanned, ultrasounded and x-rayed basically from head-to-toe. I've had probably 5 liters worth of blood tests drawn in the last couple years. It's sad and ridiculous. Maybe getting rid of my uterus will help with the endo and cystitis. I don't know. I'll just have different organs removed one by one until I figure out which one(s) is/are causing so much trouble. Or, I may just have to accept that I am unwell for no particular one reason and just go on about my life but it's hard because I'm someone who wants an all-inclusive reason, I guess.

So, that's my "what sucks" story. It's all really got me pretty depressed lately. I just want to live my life. I miss work because of these issues, not to mention spending time with my daughter and Ed, getting stuff done around the house and just enjoying the little things in life. It truly weighs heavy. I've missed trips because of these problems. I spent my two week "staycation" off work being sick. I want to be well.

Believe it or not, I actually can relate to this, more in a second hand fashion, but I get it. Disease is something my whole extended family has lived with for generations, whether it is Cirrhosis, every form of cancer, ALS, Alzheimer's, Heart Disease, you name it, we probably had it at some point in a recent generation, of which, you start earning an indirect knowledge of medicine and how the medical field works... The whole doctor ordeal, I really get because my grandmother had went through the same thing with doctors not knowing what was going on. It got so bad she started having panic attacks. Don't give up on the search for an answer though, keep fighting, you will eventually find a doctor.

About your Ex-husband, I know that situation all to well, but from the child's point of view. My father was not a caring man, my mom had a gall bladder attack that had her hospitalized for quite some time. All the while, my father refused to visit her in the hospital, he had a thing about hospitals being a scam or some other BS. When she finally came home, he asked what she would cook him for dinner and if she would wash his laundry, when she was still recovering from surgery! The same happened to me when I was around 6 years old where I had to stay overnight in the hospital due to a weird illness that caused me to constantly to vomit about every 30-60 seconds. My mother had to beg him to take me to the doctor, of which the doctor got thoroughly pissed at my dad when he did finally get me to the doctor and demanded him that I be taken to the hospital. He instead took me home, told mom he was late for work, and drove off. So I get the uncaring man of the house, but I'm also glad you found someone as caring and understanding as Ed to help you as well.

The other thing, the... umm... endometriosis, could be solved with a hysterectomy. As well, I know depression, a little too well. It is more of a genetic disease for us and has been traced to as far back as one of my ancestors, a certain Civil War General named Sherman, had it. Part of Depression also affects your immune system, and greatly so, as it does with your physical muscles and bones. so, and I may be out of line on this, but, you may have a form of depression that seriously affects your immune system. I'm not entirely sure, since I only know what I see and experience, minus my actual education, but I think it could be a factor in your constant illness.

It may not be much, but, at least for now, all I can offer are my thoughts and prayers that you finally have some sort of reprieve from being constantly ill. And don't give up, keep fighting, even if it seems like you are going in circles, just keep going, you will find the end of the tunnel, and you will find an answer to this very serious problem.

I do apologize if some of it came off as preachy or know-it-all-ish, that wasn't the intent. I just don't have the bedside manner so I tend to be more direct. I'm interested in helping where I can (at the moment, not very much can be done on my end, but still) so that is a reason why I opened this thread to begin with. The other was so we know that we are all still humans behind the screen, all with our own problems. Been on too many forums where people were disregarded because of the nature of the medium we use. 

EDIT: Good support posts by both Lassy and Jamie too. 

[MenstrualDeranged]

Wow, thanks guys. It really means a lot that you took the time to read my crazy medical TLDR stuff. I am actually very touched! AzraelRPG, thanks for starting this thread! And don't worry, you didn't sound preachy or anything. I gotta say, I can definitely relate to your grandma and her panic attacks. I've had a few myself in the midst of all this. And stress only makes the actual illness worse or causes other illnesses. It's a vicious circle.

[AzraelRPG]

Jul 8, 2016 21:54:12 GMT -5 MenstrualDeranged said:

Wow, thanks guys. It really means a lot that you took the time to read my crazy medical TLDR stuff. I am actually very touched! AzraelRPG , thanks for starting this thread! And don't worry, you didn't sound preachy or anything. I gotta say, I can definitely relate to your grandma and her panic attacks. I've had a few myself in the midst of all this. And stress only makes the actual illness worse or causes other illnesses. It's a vicious circle.

Your appreciation is greatly appreciated. Like I said, I created this thread with two goals in mind, 1) to remind us we are all humans behind the screen, dealing with human issues and situations, and 2) have an avenue that can help out at any time. And too be honest, I wasn't sure how everyone would take this thread at first, it was a huge risk for me to even make it since I have a deep fear of failure, rejection, and inadequacy that at times it sends me into total panic attacks (see father in my above post).

Also, I hope you don't mind, but I did talk to someone outside of our group about some of your medical issues, my mom (who has some more extensive knowledge in the medical field) and suggested that you may want to look into a few things. I can only remember one since since my memory can be total shit (seriously, you should see the amount of sticky notes I have to leave myself for everyday stuff) and that one that I remember is lyme disease. Lyme disease can have some major effects on your overall system, and can cause some mental stuff too. She may be wrong, as I may be, but it couldn't hurt to look into it. If anything, I will try to see if I can get anymore ideas, because sometimes a starting block is what you need to be set on the right course, even if it just a little bit of light.

I do hope that you are able to find closure to this problem soon, it is no fun to suffer from illness, especially one you never knew about. And, unfortunately, I do have some form of relation to that as well, mostly mental illness, but something I have been struggling with my whole life. Just keep strong and keep banging the hammer, eventually there will be a result that will help answer this long unknown issue.

[MenstrualDeranged]

Jul 9, 2016 1:56:34 GMT -5 AzraelRPG said:

Your appreciation is greatly appreciated. Like I said, I created this thread with two goals in mind, 1) to remind us we are all humans behind the screen, dealing with human issues and situations, and 2) have an avenue that can help out at any time. And too be honest, I wasn't sure how everyone would take this thread at first, it was a huge risk for me to even make it since I have a deep fear of failure, rejection, and inadequacy that at times it sends me into total panic attacks (see father in my above post).

Also, I hope you don't mind, but I did talk to someone outside of our group about some of your medical issues, my mom (who has some more extensive knowledge in the medical field) and suggested that you may want to look into a few things. I can only remember one since since my memory can be total shit (seriously, you should see the amount of sticky notes I have to leave myself for everyday stuff) and that one that I remember is lyme disease. Lyme disease can have some major effects on your overall system, and can cause some mental stuff too. She may be wrong, as I may be, but it couldn't hurt to look into it. If anything, I will try to see if I can get anymore ideas, because sometimes a starting block is what you need to be set on the right course, even if it just a little bit of light.

I do hope that you are able to find closure to this problem soon, it is no fun to suffer from illness, especially one you never knew about. And, unfortunately, I do have some form of relation to that as well, mostly mental illness, but something I have been struggling with my whole life. Just keep strong and keep banging the hammer, eventually there will be a result that will help answer this long unknown issue.

It's funny that you mention lyme disease because just a couple weeks ago I brought it up to one of my doctors and he's running a blood test just to rule it out. That's cool that you asked your mom about it, is she in the medical field? I'm actually a registered nurse myself, so I have some medical knowledge although I specialize in neonatal so adult problems are a little out of my area of expertise. I'm always interested to hear what other people may know or what they may have experienced, though. At some point, something will hopefully point me in the right direction. I'm starting to lean toward chronic fatigue syndrome since pretty much everything else has been ruled out.
 
I for one think this thread is great. Crewmates should feel comfortable with each other. I don't think anyone mind at all that you made this thread. If they are someone lucky enough to not have any life issues (pfft, like I would believe that) or they think threads like this are silly, well phooey on them! Heehee!

Also, I just want to say that I can relate to your fear of failure, rejection and inadequacy. I don't struggle with it so much now, but I used to. Indeed it is a crippling feeling.